shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
