it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
