I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
