I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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