3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
