The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
