my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
