That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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