he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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