mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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