he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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