your parents love me but you hate me
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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