I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
