if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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