Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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