she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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