he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
