my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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