i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
