If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
