For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
