She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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