We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
