i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
bring money and cleavage
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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