he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
