I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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