Duck Duck Cougar?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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