I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
