the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I did not marry a roomba.
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