You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
