I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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