Got a toothbrush?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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