Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize