hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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