The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
