3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
