how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
being pregnant is like rehab
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
