he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
