She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
