I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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