he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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