i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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