You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
