Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
