I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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