why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
