This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
