Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
