His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
