two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
