Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
