when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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