You're my little dorito
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
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We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
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Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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