Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
