you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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