the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
