$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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