The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dignity is for republicans.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
