yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
