i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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