Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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