Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
