I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
