Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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