I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
