I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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