Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
