my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
