Fuck appropriateness.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
