so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
