CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This baby is an asshole
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
