I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
