Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
