How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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