I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
