not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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